How do cats choose who to sleep with? Have you been wondering why cats sleep on you and not another person in your house? Or why they always choose another person to sleep on, and not you? We are about to find out.

Cats choose the person to sleep with based on the level of trust, security, and bond there is with those persons. You bonded with your cat; he knows that you will protect him while sleeping. He can also get some cuddles from you. He left his scent on you, and he knows that you are a sort of cat mom; after all, he marked you, and you feed him and attend to his needs.

Let’s give some examples.

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It may be a bit upsetting when your cat, or at least you think he is your cat, goes and sleep with someone else instead of you. It is really upsetting, you have come home, and you are ready to cuddle; instead, you find your little furry friend cuddling with your husband, wife, or kids.

Does he not like you? Or what is the problem exactly. Cats may choose people to sleep with based on certain criteria. It is not that they do not like you. It is that they are very selective about their sleeping companions.

How do cats choose who to sleep with?


If you had the time to bond with your cat and are not holding any grudge against you, they may consider you the safest place to lower their guard and sleep; they may even think that you will protect them in case of danger.

Normally cats place their scent on you to claim you as their territory; cats do this by rubbing against you. So if your cat comes for petting or purring or if you have interactions like play during the day and he is used to being around you, the chances are that your cat is most likely sleep on you rather than another person of the family.


If you are the person that regularly feed your cat and tend to his needs, your cat will start to associate you as the person that helps him to survive; he knows that you are a sort of cat mom and that you will not let him starve. Somehow cats know who feeds them and where to go to get a treat.

If you are the go-to person in the family for his food, he will associate you as a friendly figure, and the chances are that he may decide to come and sleep on you.


If your cat uses to play with you very often, he knows that you are a friendly person and that he can have fun around you without being hurt. Cats like to play; they need exercise and enrichment. If you spend time with them playing, it makes your cat bond with you.


Sometimes the way to a cat’s heart is through the stomach! If sometimes you give your cat some treats and take the time to pet him while eating, the chances are that your cat will get used to you and start trusting you more and more.

They know that positive things are coming from you. If you take the time to pet him in these moments, you will live some of your scents on him, and he will recognize you much better.


If you got your cat when he was a kitten and you managed to spend the first months interacting with him a lot, your cat will position you at the top of his list of top people in his life.

Kittens are very affectionate, and if you spend time with them playing, picking them up, feeding them, or just being around, they will come to you for sure. Remember that cats have different personalities. Some cats will not sleep with owners; they will always stay at a distance. One of the cats has been with me since he was a kitten.

He never sleeps on me; he sleeps next to me. Sometimes he gives me five minutes, coming on me and getting petted. But that is all. He is a very cautious cat and scares easily. I guess that he comes on me sometimes and sleeps next to me, it is already a lot for him, and it is a sure demonstration of love. I know he is like that, and I know that it is the same as sleeping om me for another cat.

In fact, I have another cat, she is still a kitten, and she comes to sleep on me 3 or 4 times a day, she purrs like crazy, and she is very affectionate; she is not scaring as easily as the other cat. I love them both just different personalities.


Sometimes cats come to sleep on you just because they want to share some love, they come on you purring, they love you, and they want some cuddles; they want to enjoy that time and will start sleeping on you as well. If your cat loves you, he will come and sleep on you.

How do cats choose who to sleep with? If you have more tips and ideas not listed here, please write them in the comments below.


Here some related questions to “How do cats choose who to sleep with?” and related answers:

  • How do cats choose their favorite person?

Cats choose the favorite person in the same way how they choose the person to sleep with. Their favorite person could be the person that feeds them, plays with them, gives them treats, pets them, and, overall, is the most present person in their lives that makes them feel safe. I think that cats know who really loves them, and they return their love in so many ways.

Sometimes you see cats bonding with kids even though they are not feeding them, but cats sense their fragility and the fact that they are not a danger to them; it is possible the mother and father instinct comes upon them, and they want to protect the infant or the child.

  • Do cats like to be touched while sleeping?

Sometimes cats like to be petted when they sleep; if they do, they will give you access to their chin and belly; they would stretch and let you pet their bellies. If they are not in the mood and want to be left alone, normally they do not react, or they try to bite you or swing at you. Not always, cats are in the mood for scratches and touching.

  • How to get my cat to sleep with me?

If your cat is not coming to sleep with you but chooses another person to sleep with, you have to do some work to gain your cat’s trust and affection. Here some questions you can ask yourself to see if you are actually interacting enough with your cat:

  1. Do you play enough with your cat?
  2. Are you the person that feeds him?
  3. If you can’t feed him, do you take the time to give him some treats and pet him?
  4. Do you spend time with your cat being in the same room with him?

It is really a point to get his trust and bond with your cat. He will soon associate you with a friend and may decide to come and sleep on you.

  • Can cats sense if you’re a good person?

Often cats have been found to understand the good or bad intentions of people and other animals. Cats may sense danger and bad things happening; there is enough evidence of this. I have written another article where I give examples of cats saving people’s lives.

I know that scientists like to reduce everything to chemical unbalances. However, they should get a cat and experience how they really are.

  • Why do cats bond with only one person?

Usually, cats are used to grow up with one person as the main companion; they play with them and spend time with them. Cats have been around that person enough to trust they are safe. But it is not always the case; some cats like to bond with more family members and are more trusting and open to relationships.

  • How do you tell if your cat is bonded with you?

If a cat has bonded with you, he will follow you everywhere, sleep next to you or on you, often come to you to get scratches and demanding you pet them; they will show you the belly and overall be relaxed around you. They will come to you purring and kiss you.

  • How do I get my cat to sleep next to me?

My cat Coco, the one who doesn’t trust easily, would not come on my bed for the first year of living together. He is a scaredy-cat, doesn’t trust people, he is the type of cat that would hide under the bed when someone new would come into the hose.

I was very disappointed when he would not sleep next to me for so long; the maximum he would do was to come on my bed in the morning to wake me up, come on me and kiss me for 5 minutes. That is all that I got for the first year.

At some point, I decided to change it, and I started to bring some treats to the bed, and lure him on the bed with toys and have him play with me in there. Bit by bit, I earned the trust, and now after 2 years, he finally sleeps next to me in bed, during the day and at nights, but still not always. I would say very often.

However, if I still move fast, he runs. Sometimes he goes and sleeps on the chair, and I am annoyed, so I go and pick him up and bring him on the bed and pet him. Sometimes he stays and sleeps there instead, sometimes he goes away and returns to the chair. But I am happy that I get him near me the most time, compared to the beginning.

You can try some of those tips to get your cat to sleep with you on the bed.


How do cats choose who to sleep with? I hope you got useful information; if you want to add anything or give additional tips, leave it in the comments below.